Dear diary, (is that a bit too Bridget Jones?)
We're in that surreal Christmas to new years period when there's so much build up to a big new years transformation. I promise myself that this is going to be the year I lose weight, get my shit together and my adult acne will magically clear up, while giving me bigger boobs. I've had the same 3 "resolutions" since I was 15. Always involving some magical glow up. In part of trying to stick to that, I throwaway half of my wardrobe to be replaced with ambitious clothes I will never wear that just make me feel shit about myself. I fill my social media and pinterest with diets and hair tutorials and make up tutorials knowing full well that none of them are me.
That's not to say that I don't believe in transformation or making changes to your life. I just don't believe in a Cinderella style clock strikes midnight miracle. The best changes to my life haven't been made because of a socially imposed deadline for a new me. Especially after the year 2020 has been just making it to a new year is an achievement. I have goals for 2021 and things that I want to change but none of these things are going to happen on new years day and they are not going to focus on making myself into anything I don't want to be. I could be skinny, on a really restrictive diet and intensive workout regime, but for my emotional well being and quality of life it isn't worth it at all. Throughout this year my biggest transformation has been finding my voice and my self confidence.
In a covid world where you are mask covered and house bound it has become more important than ever to be kind to your self and others. Which is definitely something I want to keep. This blog has been a lifeline in wanting to express myself and own my story. After years of denial and shame I'm stepping into who I'm supposed to be and that doesn't happen with a clock chime, it's baby steps. I'm starting to really like who I'm becoming, why should I start changing everything because the date changes, it changes everyday.
So maybe instead of new years resolutions I'll have new day resolutions, new month resolutions. Or maybe I'll throwaway resolutions altogether and just promise myself that I'll be true to me whatever feels right in the moment. Nothing is permanent in this life. Not your weight, not your health, not the people around you, or the world. So maybe we don't need resolutions, maybe we need to enjoy each day and make the choices that feel right to you that you are each day.